


I Can Ask No More Than That

by SaucyWench



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, PTSD, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:52:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2765471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaucyWench/pseuds/SaucyWench
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin had a rough night<br/>Thorin's POV<br/>As suggested by Mjean</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can Ask No More Than That

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Loyalty, Honor, A Willing Heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2724728) by [SaucyWench](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaucyWench/pseuds/SaucyWench). 



Thorin had been awake long before dawn. The screams of the dying, sounds of battle, and faces of the fallen had danced through his dreams all night. Finally he had gotten up, only to wander aimlessly, lost in thought.

Hours must have passed without notice, because the first thing that caught his attention was the sounds from the training grounds. How could it not? He had been listening to the clash of swords from his memory. He was drawn to the sounds now.

First he saw Kili at the archery range. Brows drawn low, eyes narrowed in concentration as he shot arrow after arrow, rapidly hitting the target.   Dis got the same look of concentration on her face, whether she was working on needlepoint or practicing her sword work.

Without bothering Kili, Thorin slipped past the archery range. He came up on the field they used as a training ground, but hung back in the trees without revealing himself. He took the chance to watch Fili practice.

Fili was good. He was wielding his swords today, flashing and whirling, the sun glinting off hardened steel and golden hair alike. He disarmed his opponent, knocking the other dwarf to the ground. With an easy grin, he stopped and offered a hand to the downed dwarf, exchanging a friendly word before clapping him on the back.

Seeing it made Thorin’s heart ache. Fili reminded him so much of Frerin. Aside from the color of his hair, he could have been Frerin’s twin. Similar looks, similar natures. Swords rang out and Thorin winced, caught in a memory of the last time he had seen his brother, broken and bleeding. Fili botched the new move he was trying to learn, and all Thorin could see was his brother falling on the battlefield. Before he could stop himself, he stepped forward.

_Do it again._

The smile fell from Fili’s face. Thorin knew he was hard on the boy. And recently he had been even harder, emphasizing the need to take care of his mother and brother. He had been harsh and cruel, and none of it was working. Fili was still determined to go on this quest.

_I’ve seen infants that could block that strike! Try it again! Not like that, do it properly._

Another attempt, but this time Fili lost one of his swords. The echo of his brother’s scream rang in Thorin’s mind.

_That isn’t fighting! You might as well lay down your weapons and bare your throat to the enemy!_

Thorin knew his presence was upsetting Fili. Good. Maybe the boy would get sick of him and abandon the idea of going along on the quest for Erebor. Another fumble of the swords.

_Again! Do it right this time!_

“Give the lad a break. He’s trying new maneuvers,” Dwalin muttered.

Thorin made sure to pitch his voice so Fili could hear.

_He’s worse than useless. I’m supposed to take that into battle with me? I need men I can trust, men I know that will be able to guard me and fight beside me. Look at him._

Fili had stopped fighting. He stood with his head high, meeting Thorin’s eyes, defiance written into every tense line of his body. It made Thorin’s heart ache. Still, he continued.

_The best thing you’ll be able to do on the quest is throw yourself on an orc’s sword so someone more worthy can live to fight another day. You shame your bloodline. Get out of my sight._

Thorin ignored the shocked, angry noise from Dwalin. He ignored the pain in his heart and twisting in his gut as Fili turned away from him. He ignored the screams in his memory, the phantom smell of blood, the ghosts of vibrations in his hands from his sword striking flesh and bone. He watched as Fili kept his head high, leaving the training grounds.

Once Fili was gone, Thorin left too, making his way back to his own room. He sat on the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands.

The quest for Erebor was such a slim chance. He knew that. Unless he could convince the other dwarves to help, it was a suicide mission. Thorin knew that even with armies behind him, reclaiming his homeland would be difficult, if not impossible. Still, it was a duty he owed his people.

Thorin also knew he was driving Fili away. He only hoped it was enough. Where Fili led, Kili followed. And Fili was determined to go on this quest.

Thorin couldn’t forbid him to go. While they were both still young, his sister-sons were old enough to make their own decisions about things like this. They knew nothing of the world, though. They certainly knew nothing of war or dragon-fire.

So Thorin did his best to make Fili angry at him. If he was angry enough, maybe he would turn his back on Thorin, renounce this foolish quest and stay home where he would be safe. As long as his nephews were safe, he would pay any price. And if Fili hated him, as long as he was alive to do it, then so be it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, kudos, and comments! 
> 
> As always, I am over at Tumblr. Feel free to come say hi! 
> 
> [[My personal blog]](http://myseri.tumblr.com/)   
>  [[My writing blog]](http://saucywenchwritingblog.tumblr.com/)   
> 


End file.
